one can contemplate methods;
nails gauging flesh with tetanus.
wire track around the throat,
there is nothing more serene
than a blue face.
not a deep blue, just slight
like your impact on others.

there can be a way out
like there can be a grain of sand
remaining in the tip of your shoe.
from that trip to the beach
that you took with your grandparents.
eight years ago.

so long ago.
you were a nubile teenager,
and losing a girl was still worse
than death.

now the only thing worse,
that you can think of,
is living a life as tainted
as unbleached paper.